It feels good to finally be able to write this post, but I also want to clarify that I have not made dozens of friends since our move to California yet. It’s so easy to find yourself in the comparison game when it comes to having friends, how many friends you have, etc., and I think the pressure gets even worse when you’re new to an area. Today, I’m talking about how to make friends in a new city, I need you to know that this is hard work, but I hope these tips make it even slightly easier.
In moments of desperation, it can feel like everyone has lived in the city for 10+ years and couldn’t possibly fit another friend into their group. I definitely felt this way more than once during the first few months we lived in California, so I promise you are not alone if this is your current outlook on making friends in your new city.
Below is everything we have tried and found successful since moving to a city where we only knew two people and now have a smaller network of familiar faces. If you feel like you’ve already tried all of these with little success, I promise that sometimes it just takes time. If you can think of something I’ve missed, please comment below so we can all benefit!
Also just a quick note, these tips are a lot easier to apply when you live in a bigger/medium sized city. I grew up in a really small and tight knit community where making childhood friends and keeping them forever wasn’t hard but making new friends wasn’t exactly easy either. I think some of these will still help in a small town, but these are mainly applicable to a bustling city!
How to Make Friends in a New City
Be Open to Meeting Up with Friends of Friends
This is the very first thing we tried when we moved to our new city. If you’re moving from a place where you had lots of local friends, someone in your circle is bound to loosely know someone who even slightly lives in the area you’re moving to. It can feel like an obscure connection, but for those first few months when you haven’t seen or talked to someone familiar in way too long, having someone with a very small mutual connection can feel huge. You know you will have at least one thing to talk about- your mutual connection.
If you completely hit it off, great! New friend! If it feels more like a one time thing, that’s also fine! It’s good to just get that social time or even get a restaurant recommendation or two.
Try posting your move on all your social media channels. You will be surprised who pops up on LinkedIn, Twitter, etc. with a mutual friend you can reach out to!
Join a Book Club
This recommendation might feel like a higher barrier to entry, but even if you slightly like reading, it doesn’t seem like too big of an ask to read one book a month in exchange for an hour of social time! A lot of book clubs do meet virtually, but as the world opens up more and more in the next few years I think we’ll see the return of in person meetings.
I know the Literary League and Bad Bitch Book Club have a lot of regional offshoots, and I think you can also find groups dedicated to reading Reese Witherspoon’s monthly picks too. Try searching “book clubs in my area” or “book clubs near me” to get the most tailored results if you’re looking for an in-person meeting.
Start Going to an Exercise Studio
Wow, when I say everything changed dramatically for me when I became a member at a local exercise studio, believe me! I was struggling emotionally and physically when we first moved. I went from working out regularly to having almost no motivation to move my body or any energy to do my usual amount throughout the day. I was also going weeks without a reason to leave my house except to go to the grocery store, and finally my husband gave me the push I needed to jump back into group fitness.
It changed everything for me. The staff and fellow members at the studio started recognizing my face, and I felt tears come to my eyes multiple times leaving the studio because one person had just recognized me in this entirely foreign place. Even if you don’t make a best friend you hang out with outside of class, just feeling seen and known made the biggest difference for me.
Also having a reason to leave your house a couple times a week and being thrown together with mostly a group of the same people from class to class dramatically increases your chances of making a friend.
Don’t be afraid to start a conversation with someone at the studio- I would literally think of things I could say besides “I like your leggings!” to fellow members before class to start a conversation, and I have no regrets haha.
Get a part time job
The above tip leads me to this one! My group fitness studio posted on Instagram that they were hiring for a part time position, and on a complete whim, I applied. I now have this whole new community of coworkers who are all like minded and have the greatest tips for me no matter what stage of life they are in. We’ve found so many new restaurants, day trip spots and more through me interacting with this group of women multiple times a week. Also, the clients in the studio recognize me and start conversations more easily with me now that I’m such a familiar face.
If you feel like you don’t have any extra time for this, that’s completely understandable. I don’t have a full time position right at this moment, so I work for a few hours almost each day, but you could also try just working on the weekend shifts or after typical work hours at places that are open later like this!
Join Facebook Groups
This one might be the easiest of all! I promise there is a Facebook group for almost anything, and they get really niche which can be nice. I’m part of a lot of reading ones, hiking, community based, travel based and more. Even if they aren’t specific to your area (those are great too), the bigger ones can also lead to local connections.
Try just looking up “XXX area hikers” or “XXX community group” and something is. bound to come up!
Start Conversations
When we first moved, I really pushed myself to actually engage in conversations with baristas, cashiers, grocery store workers, etc. You will be shocked at how big a difference it makes by simply asking the person giving your flu shot if they have any restaurant recommendations for you! It might sound silly, but it really helped us feel not so alone when we first moved here.
Seek Out Your Religious Affiliation
If you’re not religious or seeking out religion actively, please feel free to just use the other tips in this post, but for anyone with even a slight interest in attending a church or religious group meeting, doing so when you’ve moved is so helpful . We did find our church home here in California, and it made a huge difference in my outlook on everything. I felt so unsettled just by not knowing where we could go on Sunday mornings, and being around fellow believers was really comforting in the really early weeks. We definitely want to get more involved in our church in the coming months, but it’s already been so nice. Don’t worry if it takes you a few hits and misses to find the church that works for you- we definitely tried a few that did not fit our needs when we first moved here!
Those are just a few of my tips for making friends in a new city or making friends in your 20s. I want to dedicate an entire podcast episode to this topic because it’s something I’m much more passionate about than I used to be. Please leave your best tips for how to make friends in a new city or how to make friends in your 20s below! I think everyone is always looking for more friends.
If you want to read more about why we moved to California, make sure you check out this post.
Wow! Great post